Berlyn’s Recently Watched on Netflix

Teen Witch

It’s really tough to find what to watch on Netflix, so we’re going to start posting lists of movies WE’VE been watching to help narrow down your options. Here’s what I’ve recently watched on Netflix:

Thanks to my mom’s probably genetic obsession with horror movies, there are some outlandish horror movies I watch and suddenly remember having seen as a child; Thinner is one of these films. For some reason, until my recent re-watching, all I could remember about this movie was that there was a road head scene, but trust me, there’s much more to this movie than that. Bizarre characters, grotesque death scenes, and gypsy curses (because of course) -Thinner has it all, thanks to its birth father, Stephen King.

King’s story is adapted by director/writer Tom Holland to create this delightfully spooky, yet underrated film about the overweight man, Billy (Robert John Burke). Billy has been trying to lose weight per his wife’s request-meaning he eats like crap when she’s not around. Eventually, there’s the road head and Billy and his wife piss off a pack of gypsies (this is where the curses come in) and all hell breaks loose on this film. The characters are affected one by one while Billy fights for his life and freedom from this wild tribe of people.

Teen Witch
To anyone that loved…or even just liked Sabrina the Teenage Witch this is freaking perfect for you. Sure, it has those basic, same ole morals and lessons that we’ve seen a million times. “Don’t take advantage of your powers and make the hot boys like you for all the wrong reasons,” we know! But there’s no way I was the only kid that dreamt of waking up on my 16th birthday to find out I had suddenly taken on witchy powers. This movie massages that fantasy and makes you remember what it was like to hope for those types of super-powers. To be able to suddenly rise up from the hard knock life of unpopularity, to becoming the hottest thing on campus. I mean, luckily, I came out on top, but still, it would have been way more badass to have had a Teen Witch experience instead.

Friday the 13th Final Chapter (LEAVING NETFLIX 4/1)
This is one of the best films in the everlasting Friday the 13th series, not just for the kills or the lack of an adequate plot, but also, CRISPIN GLOVER! I don’t understand my devotion and level of fandom for this man, but for whatever reason, Crispin Glover holds a special place in my heart, so whenever I see him in anything I have to love it. It also helps that this movie is fucking kickass, with a one-of-a-kind ending featuring a bald Corey Feldman. I mean yes, overall, the film is just another silly slasher with little to no story line, but there are those special, memorable scenes that stand out and make the whole ride worthwhile.

Victim of Beauty
This originally made-for-CBS movie, Victim of Beauty, is as “TV drama” as it gets. The acting is terrible, and it’s hardly memorable, but if you like cheesy Lifetime-esque movies, then this is just right for you. Based on the true story of a beauty queen and her family being stalked by a serial killer. A man kidnaps the beauty queen’s sister and decides to toy with the family, making them guess whether or not she’s still alive, leading them on to believe they stand a chance at saving her. It just kind of revolves around that the whole time until we find out whether or not the sister is alive (Spoiler alert: she isn’t).