First off. If I could find 69 titles for this article I would have. It’s Valentine’s Day and you just got back from an incredible date with your lovely significant other. You’re both tired but don’t want to go to bed, you wanna (for lack of a better term) Netflix & chill. You wanna hit the sheets but not quite comfortable enough to go, “hey baby, wanna watch some porn?” If you wanna pick something to get them in the mood quickly, here’s five films on Netflix that will get you both going before the opening credit sequences are over. That way you can do that vertical dance, before you go in a slumber trance.
Cruel Intentions
I’m starting this off strong with a film my girlfriend claimed was “just soft-core porn”… I watched it and she’s right. The film is overall a love story but I’m sure you won’t even get that far… so ignore the fact that Reece Witherspoon plays a 17 year old virgin waiting for love, and meets a man who made a bet with his step-sister that he could deflower her… if she wins and he fails, she gets his car, but if he wins he gets her…. it’s both gross and overtly sexual at the same time.
Love
Ok, so this one is basically porn. Love is by the same filmmaker who did Enter The Void, which if you saw that… knows the last 30 minutes is a beautifully shot orgy. Well, that’s tame compared to his newest film. It plays with the French sex traditions of threesomes as they’re being introduced to an American for the first time.
Barbarella
Remember how I said “by the end of the opening sequence”? Barbarella is the film I was referring to. With one of the sexiest title sequences ever to be filmed EVER, Jane Fonda bares all in this sci-fi sequence as she disrobes from her spacesuit and shows that in space… everyone can get a boner. Oddly though, women love this movie. So be aware if you’re not making it happen by the “directed by” credit, you might be stuck watching this from start to finish.
Across The Universe
I used to have a standup joke that there’s a porn spoof for this Across the Pooniverse. Yeah, I was a terrible comedian. But, there’s really nothing like kissing to a soundtrack of beautiful love songs being sung by beautiful people. Negating the song about war in other nations and child murders, this one is full of those sweet songs that get her heart pumping… and hopefully you too 😉 ZING! Proud of that one.
Basic Instinct
This is the end-all-be-all. If you’re looking to score and you don’t want to waste any time you pop Basic Instinct in. Paul Verhoeven’s name has become synonymous with sex scenes his entire career, from the infamous Showgirls sex scenes, to the Sharon Stone leg crossing… when you realized that’s the first and only time you’ve been jealous of Wayne Knight.
Hope this list helps you defeat your cunalingus conquest this Valentine’s Day!