The Verge just informed us that Netflix leaked House of Cards season 3 briefly, and I mean briefly, streamed on Netflix earlier today for about 30 minutes, two weeks before its February 27 release date. And we are fucking pissed. How the hell did we miss this? We didn’t even know something like this could even happen. Should we be refreshing every second now? This was like missing Jesus making his big comeback because you were at that measly thing called a “job.” Can we all just shake our fists in unison please?
The leak may not have been intentional, but it was enough for some weasel (or best person ever) to jot down season 3’s chapter summaries. According to Netflix, the season will still stream on its original release date in a couple weeks, but we’re too busy obsessing over these summaries to give a shit. Thank you anonymous person for not having a life- we’ll buy you a beer later.
SPOILER ALERTS (DON’T BE A BITCH)
Chapter 27: A rocky start for the Underwood presidency. Frank wants to introduce an ambitious jobs program, while Claire sets her sights on the United Nations.
Chapter 28: Claire’s U.N. bid runs into trouble. Frank fights off mutiny with a bold address to the country.
Chapter 29: The Russian president’s state visit becomes a cold war of wills, and some punks heat things up.
Chapter 30: Claire bypasses Russia at the U.N. Frank tries to outmaneuver a potential challenger and ends up face to face with a higher power.
Chapter 31: Frank declares war on Congress to jump-start his jobs program. Claire spars with the Russian Ambassador.
Chapter 32: Frank and Claire travel to Moscow to negotiate the return of an imprisoned U.S. citizen. Claire takes a stand that jeopardizes their plans.
Chapter 33: The damage is done and the Underwoods must repair it. But deep wounds don’t heal fast, and sometimes not at all.
Chapter 34: A hurricane endangers more than just the entire East Coast and Frank must make a difficult choice.
Chapter 35: The Jordan Valley erupts in chaos just as Frank’s campaign is picking up steam. Claire gets disturbing intel and counsels him.
Chapter 36: Frank needs to deal with Petrov one on one while Claire tries to preserve the peace-keeping mission. Sacrifices must be made.
Best cover up ever?