THE 5 MISTLETOOLS OF NETFLIX: THE WORST PEOPLE TO HAVE AT CHRISTMAS

Yes, we invented the term “Mistletool” (or more like writer Andrew Furtado did), and by Mistletool we mean the party-poopers of Christmas, or if we want to be adults here- the assholes of Christmas. Whether they’re trying to make it all about themselves or they want to start some shit in the holidays, these Mistletools need to save their antics for another day.

 

LOVE, ACTUALLY (2003)

 

Professor Snape, I mean….Alan Rickman, plays yet another douchy character as Harry (not Potter) in Love, Actually. Though it’s never confirmed whether Harry ever did cheat on his wife (played by Emma Thompson), the fact that he would consider it during the holidays makes him an asshole. Also, contemplating cheating on your wife with your hot new secretary you flirt with, and buying her an expensive necklace, as opposed to the Joni Mitchell CD you got your wife (Joni is great though), doesn’t make you look good either professor.

 

 

SCROOGED (1988)

Anyone who gets Scrooged (visited by three ghosts, Christmas past….etc.), deserves to be. Which definitely rings true for Frank (Bill Murray), who is the kind of Mistletool you don’t mind watching until he makes you cry. His honesty is brutal, and yeah I guess you sort of forgive him when you see his Christmas past, but he will forever be remembered as the insensitive television executive who fires people on Christmas, which he is better at doing, if we’re being brutally honest ourselves.

 

 

BATMAN RETURNS (1992)

Burton is the king of making Christmas look dismal (Jack the Pumpkin King is a perfect example of that), so it’s a bit of a stretch to call Batman Returns a Christmas movie. But it does take place during the holidays, and of course the biggest Christmas-killer (hehehe), is the Penguin. We understand you had a bad childhood because your hands look like that guy from American Horror Story: Freakshow, but can you not ruin Christmas for everyone?

 

 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS (2014)

 

Jenny is loveable because she reminds you of yourself a lot, but if you really think about it….her irresponsibility makes her pretty selfish. We understand she’s having one of those 20-something crisis, practically stolen from an episode of HBO’s Girls (Lena Dunham is in this film also, coincidentally), but you just cant show up to your brother’s place during the holidays and start havoc for his wife and their baby. Almost burning their house down cause you drunkenly tried to cook a pizza is just another red flag that you need to get your shit together.

 

 

HOLIDAY IN HANDCUFFS (2007)

 

Family holiday gatherings can be stressful, especially if you’re unmarried and childless, but that’s still not good enough of an excuse to kidnap someone and force them to pretend to be your boyfriend for the holidays. That’s what Melissa Joan Hart does to Mario Lopez, who hardly ever portrays a bad character, if you think about it. Lopez can’t play douchy, so the douchy award for this one goes to Melissa Joan Hart surprisingly, cause you may have played Clarissa, but that doesn’t make kidnapping okay, especially if the guy you’re kidnapping already has a girlfriend. Homewrecker much?